Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.
I live in my own little world… but it’s ok, they know me here.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.
I feel like I should clean the house, so I’m going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.
Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up.
Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it “selective participation.
Feeling so tired that I think I might have that Chinese disease called Dragon Ass.
Isn’t it funny how red, white & blue represent freedom…. Until they’re flashing behind you.
A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… well… that’s a sign of good taste.
My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity… I said nope, we all seem to enjoy it!!
Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
I’m not fat, God gave me airbags cause I’m precious.
I officially resign from adulthood. Decisions will be made using the eenie-meanie mini-moe method and arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue. I’ll be at recess if you need me.
Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle-free… and three sizes smaller?
There’s no better feeling than going to bed at night and not having to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.
I’m not fat I’m fluffy!
Love is… not having to hold your farts in any more.
Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around!!!
My kids’ faces when I ask them if they did their chores.
How to win any argument
1. Be a woman
2. That’s it
3. You win
Did you know “Diet” stands for: Did I eat that?
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus. So I could slap eight people at once.
If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably mom.
Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.